Many of us choose one person at a time to mate with. Some of us will jump on anything that holds still long enough. I fall somewhere in between. Not being an advocate of cheating, I try to be completely open and honest with my sexual partners and not expose them to physical or emotional danger as a result of their relationship with me. I am fortunate to have been with many deliciously skilled, interesting men and women in my life, but the one I’ve chose to be my mate… my life partner… my husband, tops the list in every way. I fully realize how lucky I am.
Hub (that will be his pseudonym here, I think) loves me, takes care of me, makes me feel safe. He also is nicely hung, has a great ass, can lick his eyebrows and makes me cum three times a night. And he lets me date other people. Now if I were to fall in love with someone else, that would hurt his feelings. But chatting online, exchanging naughty emails, and even physical encounters are fine with him as long as they make me happy and horny. After all, who reaps the benefits of that? He does, and in a big way.
Since we’ve opened our relationship in this way, I’ve been fascinated by the people who have pursued me (And it is the pursuit that excites me most). There are plenty of people who just want to show me a picture of their genitals then have me talk dirty while they masturbate. Most of the time, this bores me. There are some who immediately want to meet me in person and will settle for nothing else. They make me nervous. I guess I want there to be some kind of relationship, even if it is an online one that we both know might be based on lies. After all, you can be whoever you want to be on the internet and it is who people choose to be that interests me most. If you could re-invent yourself entirely, what pictures would you display? What name would you choose? How much of your real self would you allow to come through?
Personally, I can’t seem to help being mostly myself, even in an online relationship. As a woman living in a world fraught with peril, I try to be careful not to give out identifying information until I feel I know someone well. But even when carrying on a casual conversation or sexual encounter via chat, if I’m not myself while it’s happening I have trouble feeling anything and for me, sex without emotion, isn’t sex worth having.
What about you? Who do you share yourself with?
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At the risk of copying you, I'll say that I fall somewhere in the middle of that scale, too. I've had my share of serious monogamous relationships... but I can't say that all of my sexual experiences have been within those relationships. Actually, there's a few (a lot?) of experiences I won't share with many of my friends. And some that, really, I won't share with anybody.
ReplyDeleteDoes that mean I'm ashamed of them? Perhaps, to an extent. Mostly it's that I don't want people who know me to know everything about me, and there's a reason that sexual experiences are considered intimate. I don't need my friends to know all of my kinks, or my level of pickiness, or any of it, really.
So who do I share myself with? If that means divulging information about myself, then truly, completely, with no one. Unless anonymously to strangers - that I could do. (Strangely enough. I guess I really could allow me to be truly myself on the internet, in an open-sexuality sort of way.) But if that means sharing my being, physically and emotionally (I agree that sex without emotion just isn't worth it... mostly), then part of me gets shared with whoever feels deserving to me. (As long as she's also willing, of course. I'd have shared myself a lot more by now if it were only my decision.)
But is there a quality that defines who I share myself with? I haven't isolated it yet, haven't figured it out yet. I'll be thinking about that for a while now, though...